🥳 Don't need to read the sales page and just want the need-to-know info?
We got you. ⤵️
00
DAYS
00
HOURS
00
MINS
00
SECS
Nearly everything you want—everything we all want—is on the other side of a hard conversation.
A sale. A promotion at work. Respect from your boss. Less friction with your relatives. An incredible relationship with your partner.
Each of these is attainable. We can move closer to them with every interaction, every word.
Yet so many of us struggle to say what we mean when it really matters.
Because we’re never taught how. At home, we learn how to walk and talk. At school, we learn to read and write. But at no point in our lives as children or adults does anyone sit us down and teach us how to use those basic skills to relate to other humans.
Most of what we do is instinct or learned habit. Nature or nurture. But nothing with intention. So we react instead of respond, avoid instead of advance, and rarely hear when we listen to others.
And this affects every part of our experience on this planet, both professionally and personally.
Now, that doesn’t mean we’re doomed to a life of shitty communication.
We can decide, on our own, to actively dedicate time to learning the skills to communicate effectively.
The kind of skills that will allow you to connect deeply, speak confidently, and share honestly--even in the most challenging situation.
In the next few minutes, you’ll see how learning a few key strategies can be completely life-changing
We’ll share the very same protocols that…
- helped a shy, reserved analyst become world-class at making friends with strangers
- gave a struggling couple the tools to get to the core of their issues (and save their marriage!)
- allowed a sales-averse coach to overcome her fear and double her closing percentage
- provided a framework for an estranged mother and daughter to rebuild their relationship
- have given hundreds of online creators the skills to foster authentic connection with their audience.
Because whether it’s in business, in relationships, or even in your own emotional development, getting what you want only comes from being able to speak up for what you want.
You need to be able to clearly articulate your thoughts and feelings, and explain challenging concepts in simple language.
And you need to be able to do this while actively listening to the other person, helping them feel heard and understood all while regulating your emotions AND staying present enough to come up with solutions.
But the truth is, we’re not taught this. In fact––we’re taught everything but this.
We’re taught to be people pleasers. To be polite, to be conscientious, to walk on eggshells so as not to bother people, but never how to actually express the things that bother us so that others can navigate them.
So our entire adolescence is a bunch of people trying to avoid hurting each other, eventually knocking into one another and then not knowing how to deal with it.
At best, we get into a serious argument and are told to apologize, shake hands, and––you know––maybe try not to do it again.
The closest we get to an actual curriculum is witnessing the very shitty communication habits we see around us and copying what they do.
For some it’s through an authoritarian teacher who scolds us at school, not allowing us the opportunity to express ourselves.
For others it may be the way an anxious parent and an avoidant parent chase each other around the house, participating in an ongoing argument that seemingly lasts the entirety of their childhood without a single example of resolution.
And for the majority of us, it’s also through the media we consume.
Think of any movie you watched as a teen and it probably went something like this:
- Boy meets girl
- Boy gets girl
- Boy loses girl (usually through a lot of shitty communication)
- Boy gets girl back
Ross and Rachel. Danny and Sandy. Allie and Noah.
It’s the oldest and most basic of movie tropes for a reason: it’s dramatic.
Because let’s not forget, these movies and TV shows aren’t designed to educate; they’re engineered to entertain––through drama.
We spend years of our lives consuming these classic story arcs and subconsciously cobble them together as ideal models of communication.
So if you’ve ever felt:
- Scared, anxious, or fearful you might be abandoned for speaking your mind
- Tongue-tied and at a loss for words because your body is flooded with overwhelming emotions
- On the verge of crying (or vomiting) every time you try to speak your truth because you’re so afraid of hurting the other person--or more truthfully, feeling hurt by their reaction.
We want you to know—it’s not your fault.
And you are not alone.
Seriously, millions upon millions of people feel exactly the same.
It's the exact reason why there are 1.28 billion Google results when you search “communication skills.”
We’ve all done the best with what we were given. Which, unfortunately, wasn’t good enough.
But the good news is, you can override and rewrite the models of communication you learned in your upbringing, and form new practices and protocols that are more effective and in line with who you want to be.
We're going to share how to do that with you in just a minute.
But first, let us tell your story of how…
Hard Conversations Made Us Happier (and More Successful) Than We Ever Dreamed Possible
Hey—we're Amanda and John.
Husband and wife. Business partners. Communication connoisseurs.
Thanks to a deep appreciation for the fine art of saying difficult shit, we’ve managed to jerry-rig a few noteworthy attainments.
We’ve launched and grown multiple 6- and 7-figure businesses in various niches; accumulated half a million wonderful humans who follow us for communication tips; found ourselves on the New York Times bestsellers list.
Just two lovebird authors, coaches, and consultants with a love for language.
Self-adulation aside, we say this to show you just how powerful learning a few simple communication strategies can be.
Because, had we not learned how to speak up for what we want (even when our own bodies, minds, and nervous systems were sending everything they possibly could to make us do the exact opposite) we couldn’t have achieved any of it.
And give us another 5 minutes, and we’ll show you how focusing on this one skill can help you get whatever it is you want, whether that’s:
- Connecting on a deeper, more intimate level with your partner(s) to create even more happiness, fulfillment, and meaning in your relationship
- Having a scary conversation with your boss about the value you’re adding to the company and why you deserve a raise
- Forming stronger social bonds with your clients to help them get better results, leave raving reviews, and refer more customers
- Becoming closer with your family by respectfully affirming your boundaries––without getting into damaging conflicts
- Successfully negotiating deals so it’s a true win/win for all parties, be they real estate deals, contract negotiations, or pricing objections
- Having honest appraisals with your staff to get more out of them without damaging their self-esteem or making them resent you.
All that becomes possible when you become crystal clear about what you want and learn to express it in the most effective and least intimidating way…
…and are able to regulate the scary emotions that rear their ugly heads when you do.
It also helps create opportunities in your career, like it did for John when he was asked to consult on a political campaign
…or for Amanda when she pivoted away from an already reliably successful fitness brand to find her true passion.
More than anything, it allows you to navigate the trickiest conversations in ANY setting, with ANY person—even if they don’t have the same skills.
These practices have allowed us to build and thrive in our polyamorous marriage—which (with more people and more relationships to manage) certainly requires a fuck ton of candid communication.
And remember, we weren't taught these skills, either.
Like you, we each learned specific types of communication that worked in highly specific contexts, AND we unconsciously absorbed patterns in our respective upbringings.
In school, John studied writing. He could spin out moving prose and compelling copy. He also studied rhetoric and debate and could frame language to win an argument.
John also grew up in a household with a lot of conflict and violence. His internal patterning became avoidant—until backed into a corner, and then he could argue with cold and calculated logic.
All of these things made his communication skills perfectly suited for marketing and content writing…but he’d never learned how to be honest about his feelings or allow himself to be vulnerable. To connect.
Amanda’s academic career was more focused on science (nursing, to be exact) than self-expression. It was her experience as a content creator and coach that helped her sharpen her ability to share her thoughts.
She was also raised in a conflict-barren household––which led to her subconsciously believing a lack of conflict was what represented happiness. A mindset perfect for living in a bubble of safety and boredom; disastrous for when she entered real relationships where conflict was necessary to move forward.
Not only did she avoid conflict, she simply didn’t know how to navigate one at all.
So we'd both had our specific experiences.
And we’d both started working through some of it to develop skills a few years before we got together (thank goodness!).
Prior to meeting, we’d both realized that if we wanted to amount to anything in our lives, we not only had to learn an entirely new way of interacting with others…
…and so had to unlearn everything our spongey little neurons had soaked up through childhood.
If we wanted to get what we wanted out of life, we’d need to be able to speak up for what we wanted without shying away or harming ourselves and/or the other person.
Eventually, fate (and mutual friends) brought us together.
We quickly realized that in addition to being romantically compatible, we also had a shared passion for learning and growing as people—especially with regard to communication.
And let us tell you, friends, great communication is like rocket fuel for romance. And for love.
(It's also rocket fuel for success. For friendship. Even for making more money, if you're into that kinda thing.)
Once we entered our relationships, we kept working on ourselves. But now we were doing it together.
We studied everything from storytelling, influence, and sales psychology...
…to nonviolent communication, ego work, and consensual power exchange.
We even went to therapy to uncover our unconscious patterns and the different parts of ourselves––what Jung calls our Shadow Archetypes.
Brick by brick, layer by layer, we began to overwrite our automatic habits and install more effective ways to communicate.
This Quickly Impacted Every Aspect Of Our Lives
We fostered deeper trust with our team members by instituting practices for active listening, fostering a feedback-friendly environment in our respective businesses. These allowed everyone to voice their needs and to thrive in their roles, rather than becoming overly reactive when things didn’t go according to plan.
We used these tools with our families, helping everyone to break decades-long patterns and grow closer than ever before. Suddenly, going home for the holidays was exciting instead of frustrating.
It had such a huge impact in all areas of our life that we decided to teach these exact same strategies.
And it all starts with understanding this:
Meet Your Teachers
John Romaniello
New York Times Best Selling Author and Type-Writer Enthusiast
Amanda Bucci
Transformational Life Coach and Communication Wizard
You Have To Be Willing To Say The Hard Things
Deep down, we all know this.
So why is it that we find ourselves people-pleasing our way to exhaustion, leaving ourselves emotionally depleted and unable to care for the person that matters most in life (that’s you by the way!)?
It’s because we think we’re making life easier and better for those we love by bottling up our feelings, tip-toeing around difficult conversations, and saying yes––even when everything inside is screaming NO.
But in reality, those attempts to make things easier are actually making it harder.
Because although you’re trying to avoid hurting their feelings, what you’re really doing is keeping people in the dark about your needs, wants, and desires, leaving them ill-equipped to avoid stepping over boundaries—because they don’t know they even exist.
And no––it’s not their responsibility to read your mind and “just know” what your boundaries are, or what you need to feel loved, supported, heard, or seen.
It’s your responsibility to communicate those things with clarity and self-ownership.
When they cross your boundaries again and again and again, it breeds disconnection, conflict, and even long-term resentment.
Now, we want to reiterate, this isn’t your fault––but it is your responsibility.
We’re never taught how to say the hard things.
Noone’s ever sat us down and said: “These are the steps you need to take to give someone constructive feedback about how you’d like to be treated.”
So instead, we push our feelings down, avoid the tough conversations, and bury our authentic emotions.
But just like a pressure cooker, there’s only so much we can fit inside before it all starts to escape.
When you bury your authentic feelings and avoid saying the hard things, that's when tiny irritations begin to form—and the little things start to bother us.
If it’s your partner, the once cute idiosyncrasies that made them unique now get under your skin.
In your family, the political opinions shared over dinner that you used to brush under the carpet now slowly build into rage.
Or among friends, your “late” friend who always keeps you waiting 20 minutes makes you feel betrayed. (We all have that friend).
And within yourself? You’ll notice it’s more difficult to be kind, to control how you communicate when you’re triggered, or worse…you’ll act out
This weight of it all piles up and begins to crack the foundation of your connection, and instead of facing up and telling them how you feel, you:
- Offer one-word responses.
- Make snarky comments.
- Dish out short-tempered complaints.
- Push them away.
- Complain behind their backs.
- Even act out of integrity with the relationship.
Until the foundation crumbles.
The cracks become crevices. Irritations become resentments.
Instead of snarky comments, you’re making direct criticisms.
Your one-word responses turn into silent treatment, and the subtle complaints are now full-blown arguments..
Eventually, just being in the same room is overbearing. The sound of each other’s breath is enough to set either of you off on a complete meltdown.
And just like that, the crevices become a complete fracture…
…a total shattering of your once close, stable, and safe connection.
The partner who used to see you as their better half, their world, their entire life, now sees you as a vindictive enemy out to get them.
You can no longer bear to be around the family member whose comments you used to grin and bear, causing a divide between your entire family.
The pep talks from your boss that began as words of encouragement now make your blood boil, making you lash out and risk your career.
You and your friend no longer talk, placing the other members of your social circle in an awkward middle ground.
All of that now at risk.
And for what?
All because you didn’t have the skills to have a candid conversation.
All because you didn’t know how to say the hard things.
But knowing what to say and how to say it is only part of the equation.
Let’s address the elephant in the room…
Saying The Hard Things Is Fucking Terrifying
Whatever you haven’t said yet isn’t easy, because there’s an inherent vulnerability involved in sharing it.
And your nervous system (whose job it is to indicate when something scary is about to happen) will set off all the internal alarm bells to let you know that fear is present in your body.
Having a candid conversation about your needs, wants, and boundaries opens up a can of worms—both emotionally, and with the potential consequences of that conversation.
Because when you do, you run the risk that things will never be the same again.
And the unknown is a vulnerable space.
- Vulnerable to how they might react.
- Vulnerable to the possibility of being rejected.
- Vulnerable to the idea of being abandoned, fired, disliked, or shamed.
And this can often truly, horrendously, gut-wrenchingly awful.
When our stress and protective responses turn on, it can feel like:
- Brain fog, struggling to form the right words that seem so clear in your mind
- A racing heartbeat, so loud that it becomes difficult to focus
- Rising anger or frustration, making it difficult to stay calm
- Gut-twisting, signaling danger, and some deeply rooted fears
These sensations and emotions coming up can create make it difficult to fully trust ourselves to show up as our best self in those conversations…
Leading us to believe that avoidance (or complacency) is the better, safer option to protect our relationships, career, or friendships.
You might bargain with yourself and ask:
“Am I just complaining?”
But before you do that, you must know why avoiding hard conversations will (eventually):
- Prevent you from connecting with your partner
- Teach people it’s okay to treat you in ways that actually aren’t
- Create a culture of complacency in your team
- Have your friendships at an arm's length, or ending altogether
Because that energy attached to your truth—the way you feel, what you need, what you desire, and what boundaries you have–never goes away.
Instead–it gets internalized, and your subconscious starts to believe you cannot trust yourself in difficult situations.
All of which begins to chip away at your own self-worth and self-trust.
And the pathway back to self-trust is to begin building a sense of safety in your nervous system to have the conversations you need to have to feel like you’re showing up for yourself.
One fantastic way to do that is to prepare to have those conversations.
To have tools to fall back on when you get stuck on what to say, or how to say it.
So let's talk about...
How To Make Saying The Hard Things... Easier
While everyone’s challenges and life circumstances are unique, the underlying tenets are universal.
We’ve noticed that—when it comes to facing difficult conversations—most people get stuck in 3 areas:
Communication Obstacle #1:
Lack Of Clarity
All of us want to feel seen, heard, and understood.
For anyone else to have a chance to understand you, you need to understand yourself. But few actually take the time to truly get to know ourselves.
And we don’t just mean in the more general philosophical sense. We mean in the moment.
It’s not the lifelong journey to self-knowledge, but the momentary action of self-inventory.
How am I feeling? What do I want? What outcome do I expect?
When you don’t know how you’re really feeling, what’s bothering you, what your boundaries are, or what you truly need in your relationship––whether romantic, social, professional, or familial––it’s impossible to actually communicate it.
Only once you’re fully transparent about what you’re feeling inside can you be able to articulate it clearly. And until then, you can’t be truly:
- Seen for who you are
- Heard in the things that live in your hearts, minds, and bodies
- Understood by the people who matter most to you
Here’s a quotable truth for you: nearly all major arguments stem from mismanaged expectations.
And mismanaged expectations most often come from a lack of clarity.
If you’ve ever been in a conversation with someone where you just absolutely feel like you’re not being heard; you don’t understand what the other is saying; it feels like you’re having two entirely different arguments!
That right there is a lack of clarity.
You wouldn’t walk around in the dark hoping you don’t crash into a wall or stub your toe on the bed frame...
...yet that’s exactly how many of us navigate our relationships.
Clarity is about turning on the lights.
Communication Obstacle #2:
Disconnection
Disconnection is anything that causes ruptures in intimacy, safety, and empathy and widens the gap between two people.
In the hard moments when we're feeling activated, stressed, or even triggered, we turn away (most often as a protection survival mechanism) and put up invisible barriers between us and them.
That "turning away" will look like flight (running away), fight (adversarial communication), fawn (collapsing and placating), or freeze (shut down, disassociation).
These responses do create a real sense of pain that can be truly felt––energetically––by both parties.
All of which can make us forget that we're actually on the same team, focused on the same goal—staying connected and nurturing the relationship.
Because instead of voicing our boundaries, we buy into the belief that if we just set a good example, others will get the hint and behave in the exact same way towards us.
And it makes sense, right? As children, we're taught to treat others how we want to be treated.
But here’s a better one you were probably never taught: “Tell others how you want to be treated.”
All too often, we force the people in our lives to guess what we want or need them to do, only to be upset when they don’t do it.
This is a recipe for conflict—much of which is entirely avoidable.
This brings us to the final obstacle.
Communication Obstacle #3:
Poor Conflict Resolution
Conflict in any relationship is inevitable.
Whether it’s a disagreement with your partner, a dispute with your boss, or a heated political debate between you and a family member––it’s unavoidable.
And when it inevitably does rear its ugly head, we have three choices:
- Run from it
- Resent in it
- Resolve it
Sadly, many of us choose 1 and 2.
We feel hurt, betrayed, and offended whenever conflict arises, which causes us to either put our walls up and close off from others…
…or let the emotional storm take control of our actions, lash out, and often say or do something we regret later.
Both of which, you can see, are a recipe for disaster.
While conflict is inevitable, if it's handled well, it can also lead to the strongest connections.
Whether it's at work, with a partner, or even an argument on social media, resolving a conflict is one of the fastest ways to increase trust and respect.
In fact, scientific research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships has even shown that people who engage in open, nonviolent conflict resolution have greater well-being, are more popular, and have less depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
Meanwhile, those who avoid addressing fundamental differences often become resentful, angry, and bitter––all of which lead to separation.
So, by avoiding the hard conversations––because you’re afraid of opening yourself up to hurt or you simply don’t feel you have the skills to do it—you are closing yourself off to a connected, fulfilling, and meaningful bond.
So what are the specific tools you can use to overcome these communication obstacles to gain clarity, foster deeper connection, and healthily resolve conflict?
We’ll get to that in just a moment.
But first, in the spirit of clarity, let us be crystal clear about something:
Saying the hard things isn’t just about creating closer connections in romantic relationships.
Being Able To Have Difficult Conversations Is A Life-Changing Power—In All Facets Of Life
Because just as you’re going to face difficult situations in romantic relationships, it’s exactly the same for all aspects of our life. Whether you want to:
- Speak to your boss about getting a raise (and feel confident doing it!)
- Address a family member's behavior (with less awkwardness and fewer arguments)
- Share your honest opinion with friends instead of just agreeing (without it putting a wedge between you)
You will need to open yourself up to having difficult conversations.
BUT (and here’s the best part) all it takes is one conversation to change your life.
That’s not to say that after one conversation you’ll find yourself with a fairytale relationship or a 7-figure business. Building anything worth having takes a bit of time.
What we mean is this: that ONE difficult conversation is the first and most important step on the path to everything getting better. It’s also the hardest; they get easier and easier as you go.
After facing just one difficult conversation, you’ll start to feel completely different about yourself. After 10, you’re leveled up and they’re no longer as scary.
In a few months, you’re having them all the time, with practiced ease.
And…
- You’ll begin sticking up for what you truly want.
- You won’t shy away from engaging with people who can be challenging.
- You’ll stop feeling the urge to put others’ needs before your own, just to avoid uncomfortable emotions.
And you won’t feel like you need to throw up every time you face a conflict.
Bit by bit, you’ll start carrying yourself completely differently. All aspects of your life begin to change.
Your friends will be more respectful of your boundaries.
You’ll be able to handle objections on sales calls.
You and your partner will feel like you’re in your honeymoon period all over again.
All it takes is a single conversation.
However, there’s something crucial you need to know before you go and start screaming your boundaries to everyone.
Whether it’s about your partner’s behavior, negotiating at work, or setting a boundary with your friend…
…difficult conversations must be handled skillfully.
If not, you risk damaging the very relationship to improve!
This is why we’ve made it our mission to help people do the very same through the life-changing power of Compassionate Candor.
For the past few years, we've been doing this through our transformational workshops.
Every 6 months, we host in-person workshops here in Austin, during which we help small a group of people completely rewrite their communication patterns they’ve learned.
And now, we're making it available to everyone.
Here's why...
We know our workshops are life-changing.
We also know that the post-covid everything-happens-on-zoom era, anything in-person at happening at a certain place at a certain time is a big ask.
Everytime we host the workshop, we get applicants from places like Germany, Australia, Brazil, and even New Jersey.
Not everyone can jump on a plane and come to Austin for a weekend.
- Many people don't have the freedom to take off of work and travel.
- Lots of folks have families and don't have someone watch the kids.
- Others may not be able to take time away form their business.
- And some people just straight up don't wanna come to Texas.
So we had two options.
We could pull up stakes and take this show on the road, traveling the world and leading workshops in cities all over the world.
Or, we could just turn the workshop into a course and put the whole thing online.
The first one sounded fun, but the second was far more practical, so we went with that.
This is why we’re over the moon to introduce to you, for the first time ever…
How To Say The Hard Things
(The Digital Edition)
How to Say The Hard Things is a comprehensive course that will give you the exact skills, strength, and confidence you need to face any difficult conversation in your life—no matter how uncomfortable.
Filmed during our most recent workshop and adapted to a follow-along self-study format, the course contains everything we’ve learned about effective communication over the past 15 years.
From therapy to study, inner work to coaching...
…not to mention hundreds of hours of conversations…
…How To Say The Hard Things simplifies and delivers it to you in the perfect concoction of information and practical exercises.
With three units, you get new training and new lessons, each breaking down another piece of the communication puzzle.
Each training covers a specific aspect of communication, from connecting with your deepest desires to healthily resolving even the most challenging of conflicts…
…and is packed with follow-along exercises, accompanying workbooks, and even in-the-moment coaching with workshop attendees.
Here's how it worked for one of our clients...
"I was quite the people pleaser before HTSTHT. Unfortunately, this would get me into all sorts of trouble.
I'd allow tiny irritations to build and build until they finally spilled out into sudden outbursts—leaving many, even myself, very confused.
My deep reluctance to assert boundaries often led to imbalanced relationships which would inevitably crash and burn largely because of my unspoken resentments. I’d have trouble speaking up at work and with friends and family members.
If I did engage in conflict, I’d show up from a place of “fight or flight” rather than a place of compassion and a spirit of collaboration.
I joined HTSTHT with hopes that I’d be able to more successfully work through conflict in my romantic relationship.
Two surprising things happened:
- With self-awareness, I finally gave myself permission to admit that my then-partner and I were ultimately incompatible.
- My newly minted communication skills greatly improved my professional life—I was able to enhance connections with my clients by working through conflict with warm transparency rather than staying silently frustrated.
I imagine my closing rate with potential clients has also benefitted indirectly from my new ability to be more confidently consultative and open in sales conversations.
In the months since HTSTHT, I was able to build a much healthier relationship with a better-suited partner—we work through conflicts with deep care and “compassionate candor.”
I enjoy very warm, soul-filling relationships with all of my clients and have been able to successfully work through small conflicts that would’ve ended coach-client relationships in the past.
Essentially, to put things in the current vernacular, I’m living my BEST life. Yaaaas queen/king.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank John and Amanda for giving me the skills needed to live the life I always wanted— I’m thriving in every arena and I credit much of this to my ability to communicate and connect from a place of self-responsibility and standing fearlessly in my truth.
I could not recommend this more and believe it to be necessary for anyone who wants to live in authenticity, empowerment, and alignment."
—Emily A.
Cameron B. // USA
How To Say The Hard Things Workshop Attendee
How to Say the Hard Things is for you if:
Here's what you'll learn:
It only takes one person to improve a relationship.
Whether someone has honed their communication skills or not, you can still make drastic improvements to the quality of your relationships by using your own skills that help minimize additional conflict and increase potential connection.
What You Get: The Curriculum
Unit 1: Clarity
The start of any difficult conversation is you; holding onto a set of unspoken needs, desires, or grievances.
Parsing out what you think, feel, and want into words that make sense, come across in the way you want, without creating further disconnection can often be tricky.
The Clarity Unit is the longest in this course; as we go through different ways you can begin unpacking (and languaging) what you know, think, and feel.
This unit is designed to help you understand yourself more clearly, providing an effective self-inquiry process for when you're preparing to have a difficult conversation.
You’ll then learn how to figure out exactly how to express your needs in a structured conversation using the Compassionate Candor method, which covers things like:
- Subcommunication: how it’s not just what you say, but how you say it
- Vocal tonality: how to change your voice to generate a different outcome
- A formula for organizing what needs to be communicated in a clear and structured way to avoid any misunderstanding
- How to give constructive feedback about how their behaviors make you feel, without making them feel attacked
- Exercises to honor and regulate your emotions, so you can include them in your conversation without leaving behind your rational mind in the process
This module will leave you with a highly effective process to understand your inner world, and communicate what's happening in there in a way that's honest, clear, and, and compassionate.
Unit 2: Connection
In this unit, we explore the key to nurturing long-lasting, fulfilling relationships: leaning into connection. Every relationship will have some sort of conflict when you're being radically honest with yourselves and each other--but the goal isn't to be at odds all the time--it's to learn how to love and be loved effectively by the people in our lives.
In this module, you'll learn:
- The 12 most effective ways to foster connection, and how to nurture them in your different relationships
- Our V.E.N.T method: 4 imperative steps to prepare for a difficult conversation that will help everyone lower their guard and maintain closeness, even during the most difficult talks
- How to navigate the fine one of taking care of and considering others without neglecting yourself--working with people pleasing
- A simple way to know if your needs are being met and if you’re being heard (and if they aren’t the 6 steps to take to get them met)
- How to become more vulnerable with others you're just getting to know
- The 7-Step Spotlight Protocol to initiate a difficult conversation, no matter the subject
Unit 3: Conflict Resolution
If you understand how to create clarity in your communication, you minimize the chance of being (and feeling) misunderstood. And that, of course, leads to stronger connections.
And while focusing on those drastically reduces the likelihood of conflict, the truth is, some conflict is inevitable.
But conflict doesn't need to lead to disconnection. f handled correctly, disagreements and disputes can bring you closer than ever.
In Unit 3 of How to Say the Hard Things, you’ll learn tools and protocols to lean into effective and efficient conflict resolution. Rather than just “getting back to normal” (which really just means sweeping the problem under the rug until it pops up again), real conflict resolution is about untangling the issue so you can change the more deeply rooted patterns.
In a professional setting, this means better working relationships and lower stress. In personal relationships, it leads to greater understanding and intimacy.
These tools even help you navigate online feuds, political conversations, and disagreements with relative strangers.
Some practical takeaways you’ll get after going through this unit include:
- Determining your personal boundaries and standards you hold for yourself during conflicts so you can show up as your best self, on your worst day.
- Setting boundaries and providing clear expectations for how you will and won't interact during a conflict to protect yourself (and the person you're in conflict with)
- The art of "true, final resolution," or resolving conflicts from the past––whether weeks, months, or years ago––without even needing to process with the person you were in conflict with
- The 4 things to avoid that will prevent most conflicts from occurring in the first place
- How to make the other person feel heard and validated during a conflict without minimizing your experience
- How to successfully lead a conflict without coming across as condescending
These are the tools that apply to almost every area of your life, for the rest of your life.
When you join right now, you’ll have instant access to How To Say The Hard Things.
You get full, lifetime access to videos of us teaching these concepts and coaching workshop attendees through them in real-time.
This includes automatic updates and improvements as we continue to add to the course all the time.
Once you start going through the modules, doing the exercises, and applying the communication strategies you learn...
...you'll have everything you need to
...you’ll understand how these FIVE specific qualities apply to communication—and how bringing them into practice pays dividends in every area of your life.
1. Confidence
As you go through the material, you’ll unlock highly practical tools, scripts, and protocols for having challenging conversations in any context.
And when you have those, you can stop worrying. You can rely on what you’ve learned to guide you in when to have your hard conversions, how to structure them, and how to lead people through them.
Now, we’re not saying you’ll never have another argument or that you’ll always get what you want. No one can promise that.
What we can promise, though, is that you’ll have the tools to figure out exactly what you want to say, how you want to say it, and how to help the other person receive it in the best possible way for the best possible outcome—understanding.
You can be confident that you’ve got this. And confidence is the antidote for anxiety.
2. Composure
We’ll show you how to recognize and regulate your emotional reactions and autonomic bodily responses
This kind of communication can be scary at first, and sometimes it feels like your body is fighting against you.
Sometimes it’s a dry mouth, sweaty palms, and a rapid heartbeat. Other times it’s like you shrink and your voice disappears.
These are very normal responses—but they can certainly get in the way of getting the words out of your mouth.
You’ll learn techniques to soothe your sympathetic nervous system and activate a more parasympathetic state, calming your nerves so you don’t feel like you’re going to throw up.
You’ll learn how to step back from your emotions and foster objectivity. That way, you can speak about your feelings with rational consideration, and communicate what’s real, instead of just what’s triggering in the moment.
Learning to work with your body through these moments is key to sharing and creating space for others to share.
3. Conviction
You’ll have strategies to discover, discern, and disclose your truth. We’ll show you how to speak your deepest desires and ask for what you want.
Throughout the course, we return to one of the central themes: you need to own your shit. Your thoughts, feelings, desires, and needs—they’re all valid.
We’ll give you tools to first excavate and then examine what’s happening inside, and to take ownership and share it with compassionate candor.
This means you’ll no longer neglect your own needs to keep others happy…
…or feel the exhausting need to “people please” because you don’t feel confident sharing what you want.
Instead, you’ll speak with quiet and calm conviction.
4. Concentration
The ability to keep a conversation moving forward in a straight line is more valuable than you know. Our spotlight protocol shows you how.
You’ll learn how to create, set, and enforce realistic boundaries—both within a specific conversation and everywhere else in life.
When you know how to keep a conversation on track, you can stay in connection and get to a resolution ten times faster.
No more bringing up old arguments or comparing to other situations; instead, you’ll be armed with strategies to always return to the specific topic being discussed, whether that’s a customer service issue, a disagreement about money, or a sensitive issue like asking for more affection.
You’ll no longer be afraid to rock the boat, because you’ll know exactly how to communicate your boundaries in a way that minimizes any potential damage to the relationship.
And you’ll stop letting others walk all over you, because you’ll have the exact communication scripts, protocols, and confidence to stick up for yourself if someone ever does overstep your boundaries.
5. Compassion
You’ll learn how to become an active listener and create a safer space for the people in your life to be honest with you
Communication is a two-way street.
It doesn’t matter how skillful you are at sharing your shit, if the people in your life don’t feel safe to share their shit, eventually, communication hits a wall.
Active listening is the way to create that safety for them. The coursework in HTSTHT provides clear-cut tools and protocols teaching you how to show up in these conversations—how to lead, when to ask questions, how to validate, and how to know when you should offer support instead give advice.
When you learn how to employ active listening, the people in your life feel heard, seen, and understood—all of which will bring you closer, create a deeper bond, and establish mutual respect between you.
All of that will happen when you start implementing the lessons you learn in How To Say The Hard Things.
When you employ compassionate candor, things change.
You’ll feel closer to family, friends, and colleagues.
You’ll feel connected to your partner.
You’ll feel confident in yourself and go after what you want.
All of which will cause you to LOVE the person looking back at you in the mirror and feel like you can take on anything that comes your way.
So now the question is…
"When the hell are Amanda and John gonna tell me how much it costs?"
As mentioned, the content inside How To Say The Hard Things comes from a live workshop for which our students paid $2,000.
That doesn't include costs for travel, lodging, and food.
Or the time spent away from home, or opportunity cost.
When we asked our attendees if that they'd felt the workshop was worth it...
Well, here's what Alex had to say:
"Dude I would have paid 5k. I'd still pay 5k. You two helped me see it was time to make some changes. If I didn't learn to have these conversations, I'd still be with me ex, unhappy and wondering when it would get better. I'd still be resenting my employees for not reading my mind. Best fucking investment I've ever made."
That kind of change is possible. And very common.
Our clients all say that the lessons we teach are so transformational, they’d happily pay $2k that to learn them from their own home.
But who charges just as much for a digital course? NOT US.
Our costs are less and the demands on our time are fewer.
So, the study at home course—with all of the same information and value—is 50% of that cost.
How to Say the Hard Things is $997.
Simple as that.
$997 for all the lessons, protocols, strategies, and systems to have connective, effective, powerful conversations with anyone in your life.
Everything we've spent years learning to form the foundation of our compassionate candor approach in a single comprehsive curriculum.
AND, when you join the course during the launch week, we're including a 3-hour group coaching call to help you implement the material.
That's it.
That's the pitch.
If you've read this far and you're not certain if now is the time to overhaul the way you communicate, totally fair.
We get it. We'll be here when you're ready.
If you're ready now, check the options below; you can pay in full, or select a payment plan to make the decision even easier.
We can't wait to hear how this changes your life.
How To Say The Hard Things:
There are two ways to join this course:
👉🏽🚨 Snag Hard Things for just $699 ($300 off retail price) for a limited time while we re-film + update the entire program! New Program Release? Tentatively March 2024 👀
*All current How To Say The Hard Things will receive access to the Updated Course when it releases